We received the following letter by Fedex this morning.

“Dear Imaignary Scenes

Rory.”

How about that? We sit here, holding tight, worrying about Rory, waiting to post our tale of derring do on the high seas, and then he goes and leaves us for some stupid cows.

We wanted to publish a story today, an account of those lost three weeks in March and April when we didn’t post a thing.

But, now, I need some time off to recover. At least another day. It’s not easy being dumped, you know.

Late last night, we received the following letter.

“Dear Imaignary Scenes,

Rory. “

You know what? I don’t think we have a choice. We can’t abandon our strict editorial policy of not making people kill themselves.

So, I’m sorry but we’ll have to wait for Rory, before telling our story.

But, until Monday, have another picture from the Village Idiot’s new series. Enjoy the weekend!

We just received the following letter.

‘Dear Imaignary Scenes,

MynameisRoryIhaveabigbeardandIalsowearbigboots
andIliveonanislandandIdon’tgetmanyvisitors.

I was so excited on Monday, especially as I had spent the last three weeks staring at my impressive mantelpiece, repeatedly clicking the refresh button on my browser for 26 hours a day. And, then finally, it refreshed.

You said readers had to come back on Wednesday to hear whether Imaignary Scenes if finished or not (Isitisitisitisitisitisit?), but I can’t. I have to man the lighthouse for two days. There are never any ships, and there aren’t any rocks, and the lighthouse isn’t really a lighthouse and where there should be a light there is just an empty hole, but I have to go there anyway. And, I won’t be back till Friday.

Can you wait to tell your story? I want to be the first to read it. I’m your biggest fan. If I’m not the first to read it, then there is no point in going on and I’ll just kill myself.

Rory.’

Well, given that we don’t want to have blood on our hands, we’ve decided to wait.

In the meantime, this seems like the perfect opportunity to let loose the Village Idiot’s new series of drawings. They’ll be published intermittently over the next few weeks.

Thanks for coming. See you on Friday. Especially you, Rory.

We recently received the following letter.

“Dear Imaignary Scenes,

My name is Rory. I am 6 foot two, with a big beard (so big that when I go to the mainland, people usually make remarks about it!) and I wear woolly jumpers. I like the feel of lambswool on my bare skin. In the winter, I wear thick corduroys and in the summer I wear corduroy shorts and boots. In fact, my boots are so big that when I go to the mainland, people usually make remarks about them!

Anyway, I live on an island north of Scotland in a house. I don’t get many visitors. I often sit up here all alone, with my woolly jumpers, big beard, corduroy trousers (in the winter) and shorts (in the summer). When I’m not staring at my impressive mantelpiece, I use the internet.

And Imaignary Scenes is my favourite site ever. I never know who the people are and I can’t understand any of the stories, but I just like looking at it.

But recently, I’ve had to spend a lot of time staring at my impressive mantelpiece, because you haven’t updated the site in weeks.

Why haven’t you been writing? Are you alright? Where are you? The site’s not finished, is it? Is it? Is it? Is it? Where are you? Is it? Is it? Is it? Is it?

Rory. ”

Well, thanks Rory, and to all the other readers who expressed concern about our whereabouts. In particular, Cheap Generic Viagra, Laser Surgery Review Eye and Naked Britney Spears, who quite frankly, bombarded us with concerned comments.

Well, we’ve always had two mottos at Imaignary Scenes.

‘You can never get enough snuff.’

and

‘When able to write, write.’

Thing is is, readers, we haven’t been able to write. We’ve been in spot of bother.

If you’d like to know why, we’ll tell you all about it in a couple of days.

‘The site’s not finished, is it? Is it? Is it? Is it? Where are you? Is it? Is it? Is it? Is it?’

See you on Wednesday…