Happy Wednesday. It’s Taro’clock and time for our serial, The Trouble with Tara. The story so far: Some months ago Chelsea gadabout Tara-Palmer Tomkinson awoke to find that she could see through her hands. Since then, her condition has steadily declined to the point where she is scarcely visible or audible.

But she isn’t going to let that stop her!

You can download this, and all the other parts, in a single pdf document.

Do you suppose Woody Allen reads much Wordsworth, when he’s not watching his Marx Brothers or Ingmar Bergman videos? If he does, I wonder what he thought as he read the following lines, which I came across the other day:

Here at Imaginary Scenes, we’ve been waiting impatiently for the UK release of Scoop, which came out in the States last July. Even though it’s been a decade since Woody’s last great film, Deconstructing Harry, we feel duty-bound to at least register new work from the once-great director. Year after year, like moths to a flame, we return to the cinema and 90 minutes later leave, unsmiling, our hearts battered and our wings singed.

But it seems that this time we’re going to be spared the trauma. They haven’t found a UK distributor for Scoop, even though it stars the not unpopular Scarlett Johansson, and even though it’s set in London, and even though it was, apparently, coproduced by the BBC.

So, what’s the reason for Woody’s decline? Too much clarinet? Complex theories abound, but only The Village Idiot has the real answer. And it is more sinister than you could ever have believed possible…

Download this story, print it out and talk it over with your skrink.

Welcome, newcomers, latecomers and beachcombers to our serial The Trouble with Tara. Imagine if you will that Britain’s feisty society flibbertigibbet, Tara Palmer-Tomkinson, is slowly becoming invisible. What would be the repercussions for the world at large?

You can download all the parts so far in one handy, mobile fiction unit.

The risk with publishing a story about Casino Royale is that to some, Imaginary Scenes might look as if its fingers aren’t on the pulse. Well, here’s what I say to that…

I’LL PUT MY FINGERS ON YOUR PULSE IN A MINUTE.

Truth be told, I only just watched it, for one reason or another.

And, I enjoyed it.

In fact, I enjoyed it so much, that I went out, bought a SONY VAIO, and wrote a story about it. You can print it out if that’s your gig.

Note that this is not a true story. It is made up.