What on earth is wrong with Sacha Baron Cohen? Why the devil has he got it in for Kazakhstan?

YOUR COMPUTER IS VULNERABLE TO ATTACK NOW! Better print this story out and go offline.

A few choice quotes from an article about Tim Henman today:

…More Henman errors and a step up in the number of winners from Wawrinka delighted the partisan crowd…

Come on Tim!

…Henman looked to be in the ascendancy in the deciding set after battling back from a break down…

You can do it!

…his defeat in the Swiss Open was compounded when he suffered a leg injury.

But Tiger Tim’s twisted ankle is merely the latest incident in a long run of bad luck. Thanks to Tim, most English people can’t bear the thought of strawberries. It’s just too painful.

Print this story out, five times. Then you’ll have some spare copies.

Disability, let it be known, is no bar to success.

It took a great deal more than the odd helping paw from Sadie to get David Blunkett into the cabinet. It took guts, determination, and a winning way with the ladies.

And then there’s Beethoven. He was deaf, you know.

So if you don’t need a sense of hearing to compose, why would you need a sense of humour to present a radio panel game? It’s time to recognise Nicholas Parsons as one of the great marvels of our age.

Here we imagine what it’s like to be Nicholas for a day.

No time for Nick? No problem. Print this story out and read it later, on the train.

George Washington, when he wasn’t founding nations or modelling for currency, is said to have enjoyed fishing and horse riding as hobbies. Abraham Lincoln walked whenever he had the opportunity, and the interwar president Herbert Hoover apparently liked to play catch with his cabinet.

But what about the present president? Saving the planet is hard work. What does he do to unwind?

You can print out this story and fold it eighteen times to make your very own Imaginary Scenes Statue of Liberty.

There has been a warm critical reception to M. Night Shyamalan’s latest creepy masterpiece, Lady in the Water.

Everything in this talented writer / director’s body of work demonstrates that he questions his everyday life very profoundly. Maybe it’s time we did the same!

Why not download or print this story? You can wrap it up, give it as a Halloween present to someone.