‘This site keeps messing us about! It’s just not cricket!’

Well, actually it is, I’m afraid. Today, as you may or may not be aware, the Triangular Series gets underway in fair Australia. Not only must England play the Kiwis, but they have to do battle once again with their arch enemies.

Strewth! After the Twenty 20 mauling on Monday this hard winter looks set to continue!

With that in mind, I’ve decided to help out. Not by rolling up my sleeves, jetting out there, rolling up my sleeves and getting involved, but by rolling up my sleeves and writing a fantastical story which might help lift the spirits of England’s poor supporters. They can even print it out and read it in bed instead of the sports section of The Times.

Meet Johnny, the biggest cricket fan in the world. He’s only ten years old.