At this stage it’s looking like the American electorate have chosen to give George W Bush a ‘bloody nose’ in the mid-term elections, over Iraq and the countless other imbecile acts of his presidency. I note that they’ve done this in the manner pioneered by British voters, i.e., by re-electing the architect of the disaster with a comfortable majority, then giving his party a kicking at the local level.

Now there are fears that Bush may become a ‘lame duck’ President. Whatever will become of his grand anti-Enlightenment project?

In any case, I’m relieved to see that Arnold Schwarzenegger has been re-elected in California.

Regular reader will know that we’ve been running a series unfunny stories about hypothetical California Governors and how they would deal with the fallout from the Esperanza wildfire. What started it all was the photograph of Arnie lifting dumbbells while inspecting some of the wreckage caused by the fire.

Here’s the final story in this series. We promise.

You can now print the whole caboodle out. These pdfs are doing some sterling business in Japan….

What do you want? Feedin again? Blimey, you kids, you’ll eat us out of ouse an ome! Here you are, get this down yer throats. It’s leftovers from Friday’s dinner. It’s alright, it won’t kill yer! - it’s been in the fridge.

If you remember, Arnold Schwarzenegger was photographed lifting dumb-bells while inspecting the wreckage from the Esperanza wildfire last week. Here is the Village Idiot’s artist’s impression of the event:

Last time, I forced you to imagine how much better Lindsay Lohan would have handled the situation if she were the governor of California. Now it’s somebody else’s turn.

This is the part of the cue I usually give over to a tireless promotion of our downloads. Well, it gives me great pleasure to hear that the pdf versions of our stories are proving useful in Japan for using up old stocks of paper. One of our readers lites:

I think that’s probably a good approach. Start with the shortest and end with the shortest. The shortest so far is the Village Idiot’s diagnosis of Sacha Baron Cohen’s daemons.

‘The Esperanza wildfire’ are three words that you probably wouldn’t want to see at the start of a blog entry where the writers have form in making cheap, inappropriate jokes. The fire has, let us not forget, already destroyed 60 square miles of land and killed five fire fighters.

But it’s these dreadful facts that make you wonder what Arnold Schwarzenegger, governer of the unhappy state, thought he was doing pumping iron while inspecting some of the wreckage.

Warming up, perhaps, before taking on the fire single-handedly?

Or maybe just trying to spread a little mirth amongst a distraught community by means of some showbiz japery.

Or – maybe – Arnie saw the dumbbell lying amongst the charred toys and timbers and just couldn’t resist.

The feeling this photograph inspires in me towards the beefy Austrian-American is something close to pity. Because, it can’t be easy being a walking, talking, dumbbell-lifting category error. Seeing Arnie in a suit on ‘official business’ is a bit like looking at those old Soviet photographs of dogs in space suits. ‘Let him take the suit off!’ I want to say. ‘Let him fight the fire!’

But some time ago, the American people took up the hitherto disparate spheres of Hollywood and politics, squeezed them, and shook the juices together to make a cocktail. I actually find it incredible that in next week’s election, Schwarzenegger is the only actor running for office in California. You would think that in that state the law of averages would demand that at least two of the six candidates be washed-up actors.

But, children, you don’t need the ballot box when you have an imagination! Let us imagine how other celebrities would have coped in Arnie’s shoes this week in a short series of Imaginary Scenes specials.

Let us also print this out.