Note that this is not a true story. It is made up. What’s more, any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is coincidental or intended purely as satire, parody or spoof, and all opinions expressed are meant to represent only those of the author and not of the people in the storee.
But it’s these dreadful facts that make you wonder what Arnold Schwarzenegger, governer of the unhappy state, thought he was doing pumping iron while inspecting some of the wreckage.
Warming up, perhaps, before taking on the fire single-handedly?
Or maybe just trying to spread a little mirth amongst a distraught community by means of some showbiz japery.
Or – maybe – Arnie saw the dumbbell lying amongst the charred toys and timbers and just couldn’t resist.
The feeling this photograph inspires in me towards the beefy Austrian-American is something close to pity. Because, it can’t be easy being a walking, talking, dumbbell-lifting category error. Seeing Arnie in a suit on ‘official business’ is a bit like looking at those old Soviet photographs of dogs in space suits. ‘Let him take the suit off!’ I want to say. ‘Let him fight the fire!’
But some time ago, the American people took up the hitherto disparate spheres of Hollywood and politics, squeezed them, and shook the juices together to make a cocktail. I actually find it incredible that in next week’s election, Schwarzenegger is the only actor running for office in California. You would think that in that state the law of averages would demand that at least two of the six candidates be washed-up actors.
But, children, you don’t need the ballot box when you have an imagination! Let us imagine how other celebrities would have coped in Arnie’s shoes this week in a short series of Imaginary Scenes specials.
Let us also print this out.